dell-a-vabeaut-clean:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

casual-derg:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

cipheramnesia:

glumshoe:

My cat has ice cream prescience.

I don’t know how she does it. I don’t know how she reads my intent so clearly.

When I walk to the kitchen to get a popsicle or thaw a slice of banana bread or warm up some mango slices, she doesn’t care. She stays on her chair and waits patiently.

But when I walk to the kitchen to scoop myself a bowl of ice cream, she’s at my heels SHRIEKING by the time I turn on the light. She knows. She’s not smelling it, she’s not hearing me say ‘ice cream’, she’s not accustomed to some predictable pattern because I rarely eat ice cream.

But she fucking figures out before I even reach the refrigerator. It’s the only human food she asks for, and I have to give her a small tithe of it to keep her from shredding the skin from my legs and popping my eardrums. She’s terrifying.

Registering the unique “ice cream gait”, try walking without rhythm so the cat will not be able to track your movements.

But what if it’s not my Ice Cream Groove… what if I excuse pheromones of Ice Cream Intent?

There have to be ways to thwart her Ice Cream Knowledge. Perhaps I will have to trick myself into believing that I’m actually getting up to thaw leftovers, and then I’ll start exuding Leftover Intent pheromones.

I DID IT!

I got up to make myself a cup of tea, thought Tea Thoughts, and then at the last moment I filled my tea cup with ice cream instead of tea.

My cat didn’t even notice. She didn’t smell it, or pester me while I was eating, or come running and yodeling her need when I opened the freezer.

I am free.

What happens if you think about ice cream while getting something else?

I just tested this. I got up thinking Ice Cream Thoughts, and by the time I got to the kitchen, guess who was at my heels meowing?

THIS IS SHE:

You have a semi omnicient god-tier goblin in your house who can read thoughts and can as such predict the future to some degree of accuracy….

…But it only wants ice cream.

That’s amazing.